I’m sitting here on a Saturday afternoon, in a relatively mellow mood, pondering life.  The mellowness may be the glass of wine I consumed while bottling this afternoon, but I’ll just go with it. 

For those of you close to me, you know I’ve been on a journey these past few months, to lose weight, to get healthier and to feel better.  Now if you think the next sentences are going to be motivational and uplifting on how my life has changed, you may want to turn back now...

Let me set things straight.  Exercising and dieting suck.  They are hard work.  Sure I tell myself that it’s good for me, that it’s satisfying and on a deep level makes me a better person, and all of that is probably true but to be blunt, it’s been brutal.  Until you start counting calories on everything you consume you have no idea.  When I started entering in my food, I was a bit cocky.  Breakfast, not bad, I have LOTS of calories left that the handy little app has indicated are my calories for the day.

By 4 PM out of boredom or hunger or whatever it is, I look at that handy little app as I browse the snack items at the Tim Horton’s by my work and quickly realize that dieting SUCKS.  Yes, sure, I can have that donut that is blinking seductively at me from behind the glass but then I can’t have dinner AND I have to work out 30 minutes more than planned.  I don’t even LIKE doughnuts but damn, me on a diet and my cravings go into overdrive.  That doughnut is evil and dieting, truly sucks.  It is completely beside the point that if I weren’t on a diet I wouldn’t even have looked twice at the evil mass of dough.

So no snack for me, only tea, two milk, no sugar.  Sugar is apparently evil.

I have lost 30 pounds and not sure how many inches so far, but have suffered through every single one of those pounds.  I have discovered some pertinent facts about myself through this process:

·         I like eating

·         I don’t particularly like salad

·         I really don’t like salad without dressing

·         I really, really don’t like broccoli and plain chicken breast

·         I really, really, really, love bread

·         I have no patience, I want results, like NOW

·         My willpower is very weak and requires constant discipline

·         Exercising is HARD work and nothing like the joy of sex

·         I hate that stupid little calorie counting app

·         I am fundamentally lazy

·         I hate dieting

·         I am not as flexible as I thought

·         Sweating is not sexy

·         Red is the colour my face turns as a result of cardio

·         Drinking more water just makes me have to pee even more (In fact if I drink much more at work I might as well set up office in the bathroom and use the cubicle like a confessional for all of my team)

·         White fish tastes like rubber

·         Egg whites taste like sponge

·         Anything that tastes good I can’t eat

I have been reading a lot of blogs, facebook messages, websites, etc. To motivate me and give me advice and I personally think they are all crazy.  Who truly believes this is a better lifestyle?  Fine, I am looking a little better, and feeling a little better and I’ve lost weight and inches but I have fought off every single one. Anything that resembles work does NOT resemble fun..