Has Anyone seen my lollypop?

Okay I am back on track! After not just falling off the clean eating wagon but also falling into a deep fryer of greasy fast food goodness I have decided to behave once again. I’ve had so much water in the past two days I could fill a water cooler. I feel kind of LIKE a water cooler, sloshing when I move suddenly. I also tried these “internal cleanse” herbal pills, which by the way is just secret code for holy crap I just shit a Buick and six of its closest relatives.
Sadly Scott’s weight loss method of taking a dump isn’t working so well for me but it could be because my bladder is so over enlarged and set to burst at any moment. I haven’t had a diet coke in two days, man it’s hard when all around you people are drinking it. Tea is just as satisfying; really it is (okay maybe if I was an old English lady it would be). I really need to try to be successful at this though, it`s really depressing to walk by a mirror and think `Who`s that fat chick? OMG that overinflated Shannon doll is me!!!

I’ve also started taking my iron pills again, which I’m hoping will give me more much needed energy. Although the bottle should warn you “CAUTION MAY CAUSE REALLY BLACK POOP” so you don’t madly go over your diet from the past twenty four hours wondering when you last ate tar.

I’m in the midst of a three day leadership course right now, which is very interesting indeed. We did a survey before the course started and from that we received a profile that detailed our individual management styles. I know this will come to a shock to all of you who know me but apparently I’m action oriented, fast paced and results focused. Apparently they haven’t been reading my blog. My profile was actually pretty accurate but it’s funny how people at my table learned this about me and all got this pained look on their faces like “Okay now she kinda scares me” . I suppose it’s a good thing none of them have read my blog either!

I attended Megs choir “Spring Sing” last night where three elementary schools and the high school choirs got together to put on a concert. My baby girl sang a solo and let me tell you she was amazing, I was so proud of her. I suppose coming from her mother it isn’t really an accurate indicator of talent though considering I was probably just as proud the first time she pooped on the potty and that honestly doesn’t take much talent at all, although it apparently takes talent to not pee on the seat in a public bathroom. Every time I go to the bathroom in a public stall I swear there is pee on the seat and this is in the ladies! How is that possible? When I go I sit my fat ass on the toilet and pee into the giant hole in the middle.

There has been the odd time however where I thought someone has peed on the seat until I wipe the liquid up, mumble and complain to myself, go potty, flush the toilet and have to jump back not to get my pants wet. Some of those public toilets have quite the flush; it’s like a mini tidal wave in the bowl. I especially love the automatic flushers that flush mid flow and splash up onto your ass like you’re sitting on a bidet. That used to freak the crap out of Meghan when she was little and not much scared that kid. I think she was afraid she’d go down with the water.

How is it that my mind flow always ends up in the toilet? Man, I need to get out more! Anyway, back on topic, Megs did a wonderful job and her school choir was amazing! When the next choir got up to sing it wasn’t so amazing, my ears still hurt from the experience.

Not much else is new in my world, Finnegan is still fascinated with his penis, and Logan is too, if I think about it Scott probably is too. Meghan has actual boobs now which are mildly disturbing; she’s in the half a woman still a baby stage that I’ll probably see her in forever.

It’s 11pm and I’m pooped, my brain hurts from all of the edumucating today, so I’m hitting the sack but will be back soon. On a parting note Finnegan got his lollipop stuck to the back of his head the other day which was amusing especially after I removed said lolly from his head and he had a little peacock thing going on at the back of his head. He’s funny that way; he sticks his lollypops in funny places to save them for later, usually on the side of a chair, the wall, a toy. Then when he comes and points to his Halloween candy bin and I tell him not right now he simply goes to his secret stash, pulls one off of wherever and pops it into his mouth. He’s a resourceful kid.