gotta love 'em

As you know, my husband is very often a topic of my blog and not always in the most flattering way (sorry honey you’re just the easiest person to throw under the bus when it comes to my humour). I wanted to say that, although my honey is often doing things (or not doing things) that make him ripe for the picking, he’s also does things that I don’t often talk about because either it’s too naughty (rawrrrrr) or not all that funny.


For instance, he does most of the cooking. How can I make fun of that? The only comment I can make is I’d be much skinnier without him cooking me all that great food! It’s to the point that on potluck days at work people ask me what Scott cooked. It’s probably a good thing he does the cooking, I’m not a very creative cook. I cook spaghetti, except for the garlic toast. Apparently I’m banned from cooking garlic toast. You light it on fire one time and they never let you live it down. Geesh.

Scott’s also a great playmate for the kids. The fact that he speaks geek and plays Pokémon is a definite asset when it comes to kids. I am just not that much fun. In fact, last week Meghan was helping me study and told me Liability Insurance was um, REALLY boring. When I asked her “What, when you grow up you don’t want to be an insurance professional?” She replied, with not just a little sarcasm, “No, no, I’m good”.

Scott does however really need to work on his toddler supervision skills! Last week when he was home with Finnegan it was a one after another toddler clean up extravaganza! First Finnegan pulled all of his books off of his book shelf. When Scott was cleaning that up Finnegan wandered into the bathroom, squirted all of his bubble bath into the empty tub, took his bucket and proceeded to squirt my apricot face scrub into his bucket which he’d also stuffed full of wet toilet paper. When Scott discovered this mess, he started cleaning it up, only for the toddler to wander downstairs pull out the crayons and start colouring on the floor.

Last night when I got home, I opened the door to a giant brown smear on the wall and chocolate toddler tracks leading down the stairs. When I looked around the corner I discovered Finnegan’s abandoned mac and cheese with a full bottle of chocolate syrup squirted over it, the table and the floor. I followed the toddler trail of footprints and hand prints and found him grinning at me from the family room sofa where he was happily sitting, covered head to toe in chocolate goo, watching Sponge Bob Square pants. It would have been handy to have a giant talking sponge to clean up the mess.

So ladies, I think I’ll keep him around, he makes me laugh, sometimes he makes me want to pull my hair out and he makes me feel whole. And besides, he has a big, um, heart.

Letter of Expectation for a mister Scott McEwen

Dear Scott,




Based on the tasks that I have asked you to complete over the past few months without success, I am hereby giving you this letter of expectation. It is my expectation that you will complete the following list of tasks on your next days off:



1. Finish touching up paint and put the paint on the stairway back where it belongs

2. Take the toddler bed pieces away and clean up the back deck

3. Clean the spots off the couch

4. Clean the basement stairway where it looks like chocolate milk was spilled

5. Re-organize the storage space under the stairs so that we can open Meghan’s bedroom door and get at the camping gear and not the Christmas decorations

6. Fix the Wii



If these items are not completed by the end of your days off, the following consequences will happen:



1. You will lose “special” privileges’ for as long as the list remains incomplete

2. You will receive regular nagging and whining about it not being done yet

3. You may wake up with your face painted, the toddler bed crammed up an orifice, the contents of the storage closet resting on your side of the bed where you will no longer be allowed to sleep in and your computer unplugged and replaced with the broken wii.



This will remain in my memory for 18 months at which time if you have kept up to date with your husbandly tasks (which we both know is a slim to none chance) there will be something else to nag at you for.



Sincerely

Your wife.

c see where Scott is going next!  husbands in the doghouse