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When I tell my kids mommy is having free time they may look at me like I’ve grown a third boob but at least it will be entertaining. Although the two and a half year old will try to join me in “free time” which will then consist of him trying to sit on my study notes, throw the blankets over our heads so we can giggle madly and “hide”. Yep, we’re invisible.
So I had something funny happen to me recently that I thought I’d share. It all started on Halloween morning at 3:30 am, when I received an odd text message. The message said “Hey it’s me Eagon, the Irish guy, I just wanted to make sure you got home ok, I had fun tonight”. When I read the message I thought, have I finally cracked? Has my personality finally split and taken separate directions? Since I was sitting in my bed, where I’d been for several hours I figured maybe not. I chalked it up to some drunken guy misdialing after a “fun night”.
Scott and I were grocery shopping the next day when I received another text message, which commented on my dancing skills, and how I had some good moves but needed to work on them. While I agreed with the assessment, I was pretty sure it wasn’t my moves that Eagon the Irish guy had been observing. I suppose I should have texted back and let the poor sap know he had either received an incorrect cell phone number or had written it down wrong.
For the next couple of days, no more text messages, so I assumed that Eagon had realized the situation or forgotten. No such luck.
On Wednesday I was at work drowning in emails when my personal cell phone rang. (I have two cell phones now, one for work and a personal one, I feel kind of like a drug dealer). I don’t have call display on my personal cell, so wondering who would be calling me in the middle of the day I answered.
It was my new friend Eagon and the conversation went something like this:
Irish guy: “Um, hi, I have this number in my cell phone and am just trying to figure out who it is”
Me: “Hello?”
Irish guy: “Yeah, I was just wondering, were you at a club the night before Halloween?”
Me: “Nope, I was in bed sick”
Irish guy: “oh, you okay?”
Me: “Yes, thanks – what can I help you with?”
Irish guy: “are you sure you weren’t out?”
Me: “pretty positive”
Irish guy: “What’s your name?”
Me: “Shannon”
Irish guy: “Nice Irish name”
Me: “Thanks”
Irish guy: “well...what do you look like?”
Me: “Pardon?”
Irish guy: “Well are you tall or short?”
Me: “Short”
Irish guy: “what colour hair do you have?”
Me (starting to enjoy myself): “dark”
Irish guy: “eyes?”
Me: “two”
Irish Guy (laughs): “What colour are they?”
Me: “Green”
Irish guy (talks to buddy in background): “How big are your boobs?”
Me (choking on my diet coke): “I don’t know!”
Irish guy: “Sure you do, are they big?”
Me: “My husband seems to think so”
Irish guy (awkward silence): “You’re married?”
Me: “Yes I am”
Irish guy: “want to have an affair?”
Me (laughing so hard my cheeks hurt): “no. But thanks for the offer – you’re a funny guy”
Irish guy: “Yes, I am. So...are you hot?”
Me: “I have no idea”
Irish guy: “come one, give me an idea, between 1 and 10, what would you be?”
Me: “Uh, I don’t know, a seven (I was being generous)
Irish guy: “oh, you’re hot then”
Me: choking on laughter “Ok Eagon, nice chatting with you, I have to get back to work now”
Irish guy: “Where do you work?”
Me: “I am not going to tell you that”
Irish guy: “do you work at an engineering company?”
Me: “No”
Irish Guy: “Too bad, I could have asked for a job – what business are you in?”
Me: “government” (ok not entirely accurate but whatever, the conversation was ridicules anyway)
Irish guy: “cool, can you extend my Visa?”
Me: “nope, okay, I’m hanging up now, thanks for the laugh”
Irish guy: “Bye, nice chatting with you, sure you don’t want to have an affair with me?”
Me: “I’m hanging up now”
I have to be honest, that five minute phone conversation made my day, I hadn’t laughed that hard in quite some time, so I did what any sane person would do, I called my husband and told him all about it. I also told him that he better be good because I have connections and could replace him at any time. He just laughed, go figure.
That was the sum of the fun and exciting things happening in my life these days. What can I say; I live vicariously upon misdialed phone calls and toddlers who must touch everything. I can’t quite remember a time when I wasn’t surrounded by chaos, but man, there are moments where I wish I could leave that chaos at the door. CALGON TAKE ME AWAY.
Only problem is, my bathtub is tiny, or I’m huge, either way, all my bathtub can handle is me and about an inch of water, so any bath time escape is futile. Besides, when I do try to have a nice relaxing bubble bath I end up with the eight year old on the toilet taking a giant dump, the two year old wanting to climb in fully clothed, the cat meowing on the counter, the phone ringing from the back of the toilet and the husband coming in to nag the eight year old. It’s super relaxing.
Pathetically, that’s about all I have to report. I know I say this a lot, but I really need to get out more.
