stupid people and their entertainment value

The giggling has finally stopped. The sweet sound of nothing hits my haggard ears as I wander through the house at 2:52 am. Meghan has her 12th birthday party today and for the duration of the afternoon and evening the sound of 12 to 14 year old incessant giggling has been ringing in my ears. Oh sweet silence. Now if I could only have sweet, dreamless sleep that would be GREAT!

There are two things preventing me from sleeping right now. The first is the inevitable nightmares about really bad essays and interviews (I’m currently hiring – don’t ask!) The second may have something to do with the fact that I feel like I have a bobble head that weighs about ten times what it should. It kind of feels like I have a hundred pounds of snot jam packed into my sinuses having an all night giggle fest. Fun times.

So I’ve signed up for my second course to get the designation I need to get for my profession. The second out of ten fun and exciting University style courses on Insurance. If you think I’m paranoid now wait until I know even MORE about all of the risks out there. The first course I did was action packed full of incredibly fun Insurance lingo, history and principles. My next one is on Automobile Insurance. My brain hurts just thinking about the fun memorizing ahead of me. I should have told my oldest child that mediocre is the new thing instead of always pushing them to do their best. This whole leading by example thing is highly overrated.

Speaking of being smart I saw one such individual on my way to work the other morning. It was an unsuspecting Friday morning as I dragged my tired ass into my van and headed into rush hour traffic. I had just started going over the Pattulo Bridge and was thinking the constant bump, bump, bump as I drove over it was making me have to pee, I happened to glance over to my right. I almost drove into the curb as my mouth fell open. The guy driving beside me in a beat up little car was in the midst of shaving his bald head with what looked like a cheap disposable razor and no shaving cream.

Now I’ve shaved my legs once without shaving cream or water and let me tell you, My legs ended up looking like a Band-Aid convention. After shaking my head and mumbling something along the lines of “idiot” under my breath I happily day dreamed all the way to work. In my head was a fun scenario that I will share with you now.

Characters in this scenario:

• Ms. Sally Supervisor

• Mr. Iam A. Moron

The scenario that ran through my head:

Sally Supervisor is sitting at her desk with her giant mug of coffee and to do list when her telephone rings. Cheerfully she answers “Hello, Sally speaking”


On the other end of the line she hears “Hey Sally, I’m just callin’ to let you know I won’t be at work today”


Sally, confused blurts “Ok, how come Iam?”


Mr. Moron says sheepishly “Well uh...”


Sally concerned jumps in “Are you sick Iam? You don’t sound so good”


Iam replies “Well...not exactly”


Even more confused Sally asks “Ok, then what’s up?”


To which Iam replies “Well, I was driving in to work, going over the bridge...I didn’t realize it was so bumpy”


Sally interjects “Oh no Iam, were you in an accident, are you ok?”


“No, no accident....I kind of cut myself shaving...my head...while driving, I’m at emergency now getting stitched up”


Sally, with a scrunched up look on her face asks “You were what?”


“Sorry, Sally, I gotta go, the Doctor wants to check out my head to see if any brain matter leaked out. Don’t worry; he seemed pretty positive none would”

Well kids that’s the scenario that ran through my head all the way to work that day. It had small variations in name and words but this is pretty much it. I suppose it was a good thing I was wearing my Bluetooth, that way it looked like I was talking to someone and laughing at their jokes rather than my own warped sense of humour. The commute that day wasn’t half bad.

Although the more I see people doing things like that the more I agree with Jeff Foxworthy that stupid people should have to wear a sign. I wonder what mine would look like.

I’m hoping on Monday that guy is doing something equally as imaginatively stimulating for me. Not much is fun and exciting in my life these days, I’m working a lot of hours.  It is summer time and my children are already “bored”. Don’t worry I remedied that situation, the list of “fun” things to do was pretty extensive. Just because they don’t think vacuuming falls in the fun category doesn’t mean it’s not.

Okay, it’s now almost three thirty in the morning and the toddler gets up incredibly early. Scott is working graveyards so he whines if I make him stay up to watch the kid. Something about just having worked twelve hours. Pfft. Twelve hours is nothin’

I’m hoping he tells me he’s bored soon, the van could use a good scrubdown.

Sagging and scratching - the joys of womanhood

I’m not going to apologize for not writing lately. Really I’m not. (sorry). I’ve been insanely busy having an allergic reaction to my new medication and scratching various parts of my body at different times of the day, it’s super fun. It’s especially pleasant when I have hives on my inner thighs or beneath my breasts that makes for great scratching.

I did have some fun playing with a site that you can upload your photo and superimprose yourself into different era `yearbook photos`.  As you can see from the picure in this blog I had great fun playing with Scott.  Isn`t he sexy?


So I got a promotion, I am now a manager. That’s all I’m going to say about that. I’d pat myself on the back but I’m too itchy.

Everything else in my life is the same old thing. I did discover something about myself through the process of competing for my promotion though. Patience is just not my strong suit. Scott stop nodding your head, it’s rude to agree with me, unless I want you to of course.

So I’ve lost ten pounds. I’ve been working out on a semi-regular basis and basically eating better. No butter chicken for me but man am I craving it now that I mentioned it. Although I'm still a long way to my ideal body.  I just hope that when I get there my boobs aren't sagging even more than they do now.  After nursing three kids until a year each the perkiness is virtually non existent without a good bra. Don`t believe them when they say breastfeeding doesn`t cause sagging.  If mine sag any more I`ll be able to tuck them into my pants.

Speaking of the little leaches, we had Finnegan’s second birthday party last weekend, and my baby boy is now two. I forgot how much two sucks. The magic age where they discover that they do have a choice in the matter. Although when he refuses to move and I pick him up and carry him to where I want him it kind of defeats the purpose of his defiance. His favourite word is currently “No”. He seems to think it gives him the power. He hasn’t realized yet just how stubborn his mommy is.

The lovely angel of “no-ness” had his immunizations on Thursday and now has a fever and is cranky, which is super fun. I’ve been wearing a toddler all afternoon and even ended up being his nap mat. Inferno boy pressed up against me was a lovely feeling. Kind of like sitting in a sauna fully dressed. Fun times.

Summer has decided to skip the West Coast this year, it’s been gray and yucky almost every day, and I wonder, how can I possibly whine about the heat when there isn’t any? Instead I have to whine about the crappy weather which is so last month. I can’t believe it’s already July, or that Scott and I have been married for almost three years. On one hand it feels like just yesterday that we said our vows and on the other hand it feels like I’ve been with him forever. I’m sure when I’m cranky like I am right now it feels like forever for him too.

He’s okay though, I think I’ll keep him. He cooks. Last night he went out to a movie with a friend and I had to cook for the kids. I made a very nutritious meal of chicken fingers and sidekicks cheddar pasta. My niece commented on my cooking abilities, she apparently inherited the sarcastic streak. Damn kid. (She’s twenty one so I suppose not a kid). Thank goodness for Scott and his love of food. We’d starve otherwise. Although without me nothing else would get done, so I guess it’s a fair trade (just don’t tell Scott that).

I really don’t have much to share today; I’m cranky, restless and itchy. Finnegan has liquid poop so I have made sure Scott changes his diaper when he stinks. Scott is usually distracted enough not to notice until it’s too late. What can I say, I’m evil that way.

This day in the life has been brought to you by anti itch cream, which by the way burns when you accidentally get it into your privates, or your eyes, or the zit that I’ve been picking at all weekend and is not a giant crater on my chin.

On an end note, here is what I'd look like:

I almost peed my pants playing with this website, especially with Scott's mug. He didn't seem to find them as amusing.  Go Figure.