Proud to be Canadian

I’m sitting here watching the Olympics closing ceremonies and laughing my ass off as the mime comes out of the floor and “pulls” the faulty leg of the flame out of the floor. That I think is what makes us essentially Canadian; our sense of humour.

Speaking of sense of humour I have to develop one if I ever want to succeed in this life! This week I got a disappointing response from the one Literary Agent who has asked for more information. He said my characters lacked depth. So now they want sex and depth! Sounds like a really bad porn in the making!

Since this a blog about my life, I feel it remiss for not talking about something serious here. On a very scary and serious note, Meghan had what we believe is a seizure last Saturday night. Scott and I were sleeping on her floor (long story) and suddenly her bed started to shake. It woke me up and at first I thought it was an earthquake but then soon realized to my horror it was a one girl earthquake. We are waiting for testing. I have never been so scared as I was that night, standing on the top of her ladder and feeling utterly helpless. Enough said, I’ll keep you posted.

Have you ever noticed how gross kids are? My toddler is sitting beside me, a lollypop in one hand and a cheese stick in the other. He’s taking a lick of lollypop and then a bite of cheese, then a lick of lollypop. Now he has stuck his lollypop to my neck, giggled then pulled it off and stuck it back into his mouth. I’m not exactly sure where the rest of the cheese stick is and I’m not entirely certain I want to know.

Well that’s it for now, not all that funny and not all that intelligent, which is precisely how I feel at this moment. So it is definitely a day in the life of.

Confessions while Waving to the crowd

I guess when one has a blog the purpose of it is to actually post. As you can see, I have been remiss. It must be all of the snot, it’s clogging my brain. I’m pretty sure by now it has filled my sinuses to over capacity and like all intelligent life does, it found a new and more roomy cave.

So the clean living thing is going... I’d say well but then I’d probably be lying. I have a confession to make. I’ve been cheating. I cannot hold it in any longer, I know Scott will be devastated… that I didn’t share with him! (Nobody likes food more than Scott does!)

I went for Indian food on Saturday night, a buffet to be more specific. I stuffed myself silly with mmmm mmmm good, butter chicken, naan and other unidentifiable delicious dishes. I have to say it was so not clean living but oh so good. Then it got me to thinking, with all of that butter and cream and deep fried, how does the Indian culture keep their waistlines? I haven’t really encountered many fat people in their culture but this food I’m sure would be going straight to my ass.

Then came Sunday morning and I understood. It all goes right through you. Literally, I was spraying out butter chicken like it was attached to a hose. It cleaned me out. Wow, the spices really work, forget exlax!

Other than that, I haven’t lost any weight. I’m obviously not doing it right. I exercised twice last week and then lost my momentum. /Sigh

So here I am, my ass is still extra large. I was watching the skeleton Olympic races briefly on Friday night and giggled as their butt cheeks wiggled with the velocity. Then giggled even more when I imagined me doing that. My ass would be waving to the crowd and smacking the ice. So no skeleton for me.

Snot = Productivity

Sitting here coughing, sniffing and sneezing, oddly the people at my door today has lessened considerably. Apparently being contagious is good for my productivity. As I sit here taking a break to eat some lunch (whole wheat pasta with meat sauce – so semi-clean living) I can’t help but notice how much time I’ve had to get things done today!

I should be sick more often, it has two benefits: weight loss and increased productivity! Yes there are the aches, pains, jammed packed sinuses, headache, crankiness, snot, whining, lovely breathe right strips and general lethargy but hey, no plan is perfect!

Mr. Finnegan is slowly recovering from pneumonia, the poor little guy sounded like he’d been smoking three packs a day for a good thirty years every time he coughed, which is hard since he’s not even two yet! (And I’m pretty sure he’s not allowed to smoke). Although now that his energy is slowly returning, mommy and daddy’s energy is slowly draining from chasing the little bugger around!

He’s at the “let’s touch everything!” stage, which is super fun; he leaves little piles of destruction in his wake. His current favourites are to fill the cats water bowl with dry cat food and watch it expand or filling the overflow tray on the water cooler and splashing in it. Another is pulling all the board games down and pulling out the pieces and giggling when Daddy gets all excited about it.

On a positive note in the day in the life of me is that I got a new laptop last night!! Scott and his best friend Tony went out to Future Shop and returned with it, so now I can write to my heart’s content! I know, you’re thinking, crap she’s gonna write more? You betcha, all the better to torture my friends and family with!

The diet, goes, no new progress, the whole exercising thing has kind of died with the surgery and the whole “I can’t breathe” cold thing. I better start soon because I signed up to walk in the Sun Run for work so either I start exercising now or working on my Obituary for May 9th!

Anyhoo, this is another day in the life of, I know, I know, my life is super exciting, what can I say.

Needed: Lint brush - Haiku

Scattered like cat hair
Small fibres of melancholy
Cling to my sweater

Snot covered days

It feels like forever since I’ve written, although a week and a half is forever when you were sick for more than half of that!

News Flash – I’ve lost weight!! Seven whole, wonderful pounds! (it all probably vacated through the toilet but you take what you can get!) This clean living is finally working! It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I barely ate for a week and when I did I threw some of it up!

My exercise program has consisted of walking the length of my house with a sick toddler, dragging my ass to the van to pick up kids, and the great arm movements when I popped pill after pill of pain killers, anti inflammatory, antibiotics, Gravol and Pepto Bismal while recovering from the removal of part of my tongue (Scott sometimes wishes the whole thing went!)

On a food note, Scott made me this baked oatmeal thing from my clean living cookbook and it tasted really good with the added bonus of cleaning out my pipes quite forcefully. I’m not sure if it’s the flaxseed, the 10 grain cereal or what but after eating it I’m pretty sure I lost a pound or two in the bathroom. (Scott’s most likely nodding his head as he reads this and mumbling “See, my method of weight loss works!”)

Life is good in the McEwen household, there is so much snot between us right now we could use it to wall paper the entire house! I swear once you have kids in school or daycare or both you may as well resign yourself to coming in contact with every known virus.

I especially love when the twenty month old sneezes and expels giant green snotsicles, especially when we're driving and I can't reach him to clean it off. He has no problem sticking his fingers in it to play. Kids are seriously gross.

On a good note, I’ve been sending queries out to seek publication for my completed novel and have had a small nibble! A literary Agent has asked for more information!! This may mean nothing but it makes me feel good for even a moment! Soon my women’s porn, I mean romance novels, will be littering the shelves!

This is a day in the life, until next time, a parting word of advice, don’t sneeze into your elbow if you’re wearing short sleeves, it’s gross. Trust me!