stupid people and their entertainment value

The giggling has finally stopped. The sweet sound of nothing hits my haggard ears as I wander through the house at 2:52 am. Meghan has her 12th birthday party today and for the duration of the afternoon and evening the sound of 12 to 14 year old incessant giggling has been ringing in my ears. Oh sweet silence. Now if I could only have sweet, dreamless sleep that would be GREAT!

There are two things preventing me from sleeping right now. The first is the inevitable nightmares about really bad essays and interviews (I’m currently hiring – don’t ask!) The second may have something to do with the fact that I feel like I have a bobble head that weighs about ten times what it should. It kind of feels like I have a hundred pounds of snot jam packed into my sinuses having an all night giggle fest. Fun times.

So I’ve signed up for my second course to get the designation I need to get for my profession. The second out of ten fun and exciting University style courses on Insurance. If you think I’m paranoid now wait until I know even MORE about all of the risks out there. The first course I did was action packed full of incredibly fun Insurance lingo, history and principles. My next one is on Automobile Insurance. My brain hurts just thinking about the fun memorizing ahead of me. I should have told my oldest child that mediocre is the new thing instead of always pushing them to do their best. This whole leading by example thing is highly overrated.

Speaking of being smart I saw one such individual on my way to work the other morning. It was an unsuspecting Friday morning as I dragged my tired ass into my van and headed into rush hour traffic. I had just started going over the Pattulo Bridge and was thinking the constant bump, bump, bump as I drove over it was making me have to pee, I happened to glance over to my right. I almost drove into the curb as my mouth fell open. The guy driving beside me in a beat up little car was in the midst of shaving his bald head with what looked like a cheap disposable razor and no shaving cream.

Now I’ve shaved my legs once without shaving cream or water and let me tell you, My legs ended up looking like a Band-Aid convention. After shaking my head and mumbling something along the lines of “idiot” under my breath I happily day dreamed all the way to work. In my head was a fun scenario that I will share with you now.

Characters in this scenario:

• Ms. Sally Supervisor

• Mr. Iam A. Moron

The scenario that ran through my head:

Sally Supervisor is sitting at her desk with her giant mug of coffee and to do list when her telephone rings. Cheerfully she answers “Hello, Sally speaking”


On the other end of the line she hears “Hey Sally, I’m just callin’ to let you know I won’t be at work today”


Sally, confused blurts “Ok, how come Iam?”


Mr. Moron says sheepishly “Well uh...”


Sally concerned jumps in “Are you sick Iam? You don’t sound so good”


Iam replies “Well...not exactly”


Even more confused Sally asks “Ok, then what’s up?”


To which Iam replies “Well, I was driving in to work, going over the bridge...I didn’t realize it was so bumpy”


Sally interjects “Oh no Iam, were you in an accident, are you ok?”


“No, no accident....I kind of cut myself shaving...my head...while driving, I’m at emergency now getting stitched up”


Sally, with a scrunched up look on her face asks “You were what?”


“Sorry, Sally, I gotta go, the Doctor wants to check out my head to see if any brain matter leaked out. Don’t worry; he seemed pretty positive none would”

Well kids that’s the scenario that ran through my head all the way to work that day. It had small variations in name and words but this is pretty much it. I suppose it was a good thing I was wearing my Bluetooth, that way it looked like I was talking to someone and laughing at their jokes rather than my own warped sense of humour. The commute that day wasn’t half bad.

Although the more I see people doing things like that the more I agree with Jeff Foxworthy that stupid people should have to wear a sign. I wonder what mine would look like.

I’m hoping on Monday that guy is doing something equally as imaginatively stimulating for me. Not much is fun and exciting in my life these days, I’m working a lot of hours.  It is summer time and my children are already “bored”. Don’t worry I remedied that situation, the list of “fun” things to do was pretty extensive. Just because they don’t think vacuuming falls in the fun category doesn’t mean it’s not.

Okay, it’s now almost three thirty in the morning and the toddler gets up incredibly early. Scott is working graveyards so he whines if I make him stay up to watch the kid. Something about just having worked twelve hours. Pfft. Twelve hours is nothin’

I’m hoping he tells me he’s bored soon, the van could use a good scrubdown.