Oatmeal goodness and lazy fairies.

The good news, I’m not dead. The bad news, I am so tired I kind of feel zombieish. I haven’t written in my blog in forever. The real world has come crashing in to interfere with all of the things I like to do, like write and sleep. Writing and sleeping are two of my favourite hobbies but I haven’t had much chance to do either. That evil thing called work has intruded my pleasure. It has evaded every nook and cranny of my life these days. That just goes to show that you should always watch what you wish for, it just may come true. Boy was I a sucker.

So as you may have read previously, I’ve been trying to diet and exercise, which is super fun. That is the other thing that is taking up my time. The other night when I was at the gym I went through the torture chamber they call “circuit training” the lady in front of me who would follow the traffic lights (green means move your ass and red means catch your breath and then get your fat ass to the next machine of torture). Except she would climb onto the machine, sit there, talk on her cell phone, maybe do one repetition. Considering she was skinny it was apparently working for her. Didn’t work so well for me.

Have you ever noticed that the machines on a circuit training loop kind of look like a line up of torture machines? There is one there that looks like some odd birthing chair where you push out impossibly wide with your thighs to work those muscles. Then there is the crunch machine, which basically folds you in half to work your abs. After three kids I can’t even find my abs, I’m not even sure they still exist.

The diet thing has been sketchy too. I’m following this one that has recipes you can make meals from. I made this lovely concoction that had 2 ounces of tuna, plain yogurt and twelve, yes count them twelve, tablespoons of dry oatmeal. Mother of god it was like eating paste that has been drying out because someone left the lid off. It was awesome. Really. Next time any of you stop by I can make you some. Guaranteed you’ll lose weight... from starvation.

My household still has nine members, and let me tell you 1650 square feet doesn’t go that far with that many people in the house. I thought dinner time was chaotic before well now it’s like a gong show and circus combined, at feeding time. Let’s just say the lions and monkeys are hungry.

On Saturday I was wishing for the cleaning fairies to come to my house. So about those fairies. They came, but then formed a Union. They called it Fairies United Carefree Union. It makes for a great acronym. But they didn't clean my house. Wasn't in their collective agreement. Damn fairies.

Anyway, I’m so tired I can’t even be funnier, how sad is that. I should seek therapy, but then I’d need to work even more to pay for it.