Precautionary tales about peanut butter

I have a confession to make. Two actually. This morning, I was a distracted driver and I have proven yet again that I am not terribly good at multi-tasking. You sometimes receive messages that inspire you, lift you up or educate you; this is not one of those. This is more of a precautionary tale…

So, I was rushing out the door this morning (as usual – I don’t do anything at a stroll – I know this may shock you) and remembered last minute I hadn’t eaten yet. My brain function is at an all time low in the morning so you can understand how one could forget about eating. I pride myself on being quick on my feet and decide I’ll just pop some toast in and bring it with me. Ten minutes later, I’m in the car, headed to work, back on track. I approach an intersection, the light turns yellow, and I diligently come to a stop like a conscientious driver. Now this is where it all goes awry…

I look over to my passenger seat and see the toast with melted peanut butter glistening in the light (as dull as that light is today). My stomach says “GRROWWWLLLL” and my brain says, “I’m at a stop light, I could take a bite”. I reach over, take one of the pieces and take a bite, and it’s as good as it looks.

As I pull a finger away, I notice I have peanut butter on my hand from the bottom of the toast. Stacking the pieces seemed like a good idea at the time. No worries, I lick the peanut butter from my fingers and a brilliant idea comes to me. I’ll just lick the bottom of the toast too so I don’t get any more peanut butter on myself.

The light is still red at this point (Oddly what seems like hours, was only seconds). So I bend the toast to clean up the bottom. I’m such a great problem solver I think to myself. As I reach out my tongue to scoop up the mess, the hot, gooey, melted peanut butter pooled on the right side of the toast tumbles down in a waterfall of peanut buttery goodness, splashes onto my sweater, down my seatbelt, all over the steering wheel and onto my pants. I don’t mean little droplets; I mean great splotches of melted peanut butter everywhere.

I look in horror at the mess I’ve made and as I am contemplating, do I laught? Do I cry? A loud honk sounds behind me from the semi-truck driver. The light has finally turned green and I am holding up the line. Ten seconds later and a “high five” and two more honks from the lovely truck driver, I sprint into action, peanut butter dripping from the steering wheel as I turn the corner on the advanced left (sadly because of my delay the truck driver did not make it through the advanced left).

I pull over once I turn, take a moment to breathe and then dig all over the car for a napkin, a cloth, something to clean up the mess. I find a napkin of uncertain cleanliness (three kids can be messy!) and go about cleaning up the mess. (One more honk as the truck driver blasts by – I may have made him 30 seconds late for wherever he was going!)

I sat in my car, covered in peanut butter and just laughed. What else could I do?

This brings me to the second part of my confession – multitasking. I know they say women are supposed to be able to multitask, and I should be able to, with 3 kids ranging from almost 4 to almost 14, a busy job, CIP classes, PAC, etc, but I confess. I suck at it. I normally try to do single tasks in rapid succession, and every time I try to do two tasks at the same time, I fail. The peanut butter staining my pants as I type is a great reminder.

So kids, don’t eat while you are driving. More importantly don’t eat peanut butter toast. Even MORE importantly, don’t try to lick the errant peanut butter off the bottom side of the toast or you will end up with a car full of peanut butter (Did I mention I’m driving my hubby’s car today – he’ll be so thrilled), an angry trucker, a tangible reminder of the folly’s of multitasking and bruised pride about problem solving skills. But then again, if you need a laugh, this certainly did the trick.