Toddler Torture and cable TV

Wow it’s been a busy week! Thursday night was Logan’s turn for a Spring Concert; it was the Primary kids turn at the microphone! Timing dictated that I meet them at the school straight from work and wouldn’t you know it, an eight car fender bender on the bridge! So I had a harrowing journey across the Lower Mainland to get there on time to hear two hundred little kids sing off key! It was a close call and very stressful indeed. Scott was in charge of getting one twelve year old girl, one seven year old boy and a toddler there and the way he whined it sounded like he was personally ushering the two hundred kids! (I make fun but if our roles were reversed I’d most likely be whining a heck of a lot louder, but then I have double standards.) Upon getting the kids into the van and pulling out of our parking spot Logan piped up “Where’s my tuxedo? I wanna look fancy”


The kid wears jogging pants, tee shirts and that’s about it. He complains if his pants don’t have an elastic waist and hates wearing jeans. I swear sometimes he’s channelling my true feelings. Anyway when Scott told me that I almost peed my pants, trust Logan to have some wacky thought process, I have no idea where he gets that from (shut up Scott). He didn’t look fancy but he did look cute, up there on stage with his classmates singing with hand movements and facial expressions. If there is one thing Logan can do well it is facial expressions. Too bad he’s not marked on that. After the concert when I went to pick him up at his classroom his teacher looked exhausted and in serious need of a drink, kind of what I look like on a Saturday night when I’ve spent the entire day with my children.

I loved the plea at the beginning of the concert when the principal got up and asked that people do not try to sneak out after their kid’s song was finished, could you imagine the mass exodus if he hadn’t mentioned that? Instead we were all forced to sit through the torture. I joke, but it really was quite sweet, the little kids are so wonderful with their honest voices, facial expressions and smiles. Do any of you ever even remember the days you were just so confident in yourself, so uninhibited, so free to go wholly with the moment without worry, regret or thought? I certainly don’t, I over analyse every little thing, it’s really rather pathetic. Isn’t it funny how human nature works? Someone looks at you funny and you instantly start wondering what you’ve done, why they’re upset with you, then your mind goes in fifteen different directions looking for the answer, when really the other person was concentrating on not farting, or what to make for dinner or some other completely unrelated to you event.

That could be just a woman thing though, I could imagine Scott looking over at Bill and upon seeing a funny look on his face either thinking “Dude’s trying not to fart” or not even registering that Bill has a funny look on his face.

Do you ever deliberately torture your children? Its fun you should try it. I just have to mention the word period or cramps and Megs face gets all red and she mumbles “yeah mom I know”. Do it in public and the reaction is even more satisfying. I figure by the time I’m done explaining in detail all about the body and sex she’ll be so grossed out she will never want to try it! It kind of backfires with Logan though, he apparently inherited my innate sense of curiosity and all he wants is MORE information, which in his seven year old brain he processes completely wonky and the output is so much funnier.

In other news Finnegan has a new game. Yesterday morning the kid pooped out a basketball so needed a bath (aren’t you all so glad I share these details?). Since I hadn’t had my shower yet I decided we’d have one together, since Finnegan likes that. I stripped him down and was putting my contact lenses in so I could see the little bugger. When I had finally glued them onto my eyeballs I turned to see what all the giggling was about. Finnegan was leaning his elbows onto the ledge of the bathtub, swivelling his hips, looking down and giggling at his bouncing penis. I think I may have wasted a lot of money on unnecessary toys for this kid; all he ever really needed was his penis and containers. Toy companies would make a killing just selling the packaging of toys, no need to put the toy in!

Yesterday was Saturday, and before leaving for Beaveree, Scott took Finnegan down to Meghan and asked her to watch her brother so I could get a bit of extra sleep. Twenty minutes later Finnegan is bouncing on my bed, trying to peel my eyelids open and giggling as he burrows into the blankets. When I brought the little bugger back down to his sister she seemed surprised he was missing she was so busy watching cartoons (cable is having a brain melting affect on this household!) You’d think that she’d learn to pay more attention. Nope. The toddler escaped once again and after twenty five minutes of very active toddler torture of the mama I brought the little bundle of evil back down to his sister. She says “He escaped again?” “Yes Meg TWENTY FIVE MINUTES AGO”. Man puberty stinks, I’m not sure if any of us will survive!

Just an end note, then later when I asked her if she had done what I had asked to her to do when she woke up (sort through her clothes, try on and put all items that don’t fit into a pile) she used the excuse “No I was watching Finn”...I should get points for the fact she still stands unharmed.